Terrorized by the school bully, Bart seeks counsel from Grandpa Simpson, who takes him to a warfare expert for basic training.

Homer’s bowling-ball gift “for Marge” prompts her to take up the sport–and maybe also a handsome instructor who offers to teach her “many things.”

Homer takes Marge out for a romantic night, leaving the kids with a sitter–who’s profiled on “America’s Most Armed and Dangerous.”